Understanding Triangulation in Coaching
A Guide to Healthy Dynamics
In the world of coaching, communication is key to personal and professional growth. One concept that often comes into play is triangulation—a term originally coined by psychiatrist Murray Bowen in his work on family systems theory. In simple terms, triangulation occurs when a third party is brought into the relationship between two people to influence or mediate the situation. While triangulation can be a useful tool in coaching, it also has potential downsides. In this article, we’ll explore both the positive and negative aspects of triangulation in coaching.
Positive Uses of Triangulation in Coaching
Mediation and Conflict Resolution: When there’s tension or conflict between two individuals, such as between a manager and an employee, a coach can step in as a neutral third party. The coach helps both sides communicate their perspectives, understand each other better, and work towards a resolution. This kind of triangulation is constructive because it fosters healthy communication and helps resolve disputes in a balanced way.
Facilitating Better Communication: In some cases, people may struggle to express their thoughts and feelings directly. A coach can act as an intermediary, helping each person articulate their needs and concerns more clearly. By guiding the conversation, the coach ensures that both parties feel heard and understood, which can strengthen their relationship and improve collaboration.
Providing an Objective Perspective: Coaches bring an outside perspective to a situation, helping individuals see things more clearly. By being the third point in the triangle, the coach can help both parties gain insight into their behavior and how it affects the other person. This objectivity can lead to more thoughtful decision-making and better outcomes in relationships.
Negative Uses of Triangulation in Coaching
Avoiding Direct Communication: Triangulation can become problematic when it’s used to avoid direct communication between two people. For example, if one person relies on the coach to relay messages or complaints instead of addressing the issue directly, it can prevent the development of healthy communication skills. Over time, this avoidance can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved issues.
Manipulation: In some situations, triangulation can be used manipulatively. One person might try to use the coach to influence the other person’s behavior or decisions in their favor. This can create an unhealthy dynamic where the original issues are not addressed, and the relationship may become more strained.
Undermining Trust: If triangulation is handled poorly, it can undermine trust between the individuals involved. For example, if the coach appears to take sides or if communication is perceived as secretive, it can erode trust and make the relationship more difficult to repair.
Conclusion: The Role of Triangulation in Coaching
Triangulation is a concept that can have both positive and negative effects in coaching. When used thoughtfully, it can help mediate conflicts, improve communication, and offer valuable insights. However, it’s important to be aware of the potential downsides, such as avoidance, manipulation, and loss of trust. As a coach, understanding how to manage triangulation effectively is key to fostering healthy, productive relationships.
By encouraging direct communication, maintaining objectivity, and setting clear boundaries, coaches can use triangulation as a tool for growth rather than a source of conflict. When done right, triangulation can be a powerful way to help individuals navigate complex relationships and achieve their goals.